Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Bumbling through Bumble. Part 1: Being dumb enough to tell my friends I went on Bumble.

So, I did a thing. 

I went on Bumble. For those of you who don't know (Mom & Dad, I'm talking to you), Bumble is a dating app. I uploaded some pictures, made a bio, and sent my high hopes and equally-low expectations out into the world. 

Almost immediately, it showed me men in my area. So many men. Most of them didn't even bother to write a bio! For some reason, that really bothers me. But they did post pictures. So many pictures. And every one of these pictures made me think the same thing. "WHY DO MEN MY AGE LOOK SO FREAKING OLD?"

Naturally, because I'm idiot, I posed this question to Facebook with the following post:

And then things happened...just not on Bumble.

Right away I got a message from a friend from high school giving me tips on which apps are best for finding nice guys versus finding guys who want to hook up. (For the record, I'm looking for nice guys.)

Immediately after that, my college roommate texted me saying she wanted to set me up with a lawyer she knows! She said he's my level of smart, so she knows to play to my ego. He's roughly 10 years younger than me. Hmmm...I wonder how she would sell this same set up to him. 

Immediately following the roomie text, Olivia (the one I have previously identified as "being a little shit sometimes") begged me to let her write my profile bio. She also begged to let me HAND HER MY PHONE AND LET HER DO THE SWIPING. (She's a nervy little shit, too.) To my credit, I was willing to compromise. I let her write a draft for my bio, I showed her what I had written, then we combined the two (see below). She's not getting anywhere near my phone, though.

It's very me. It's also very good that I have pictures to go with that bio, or everyone would think I'm a nerdy frat boy.

Anyway, since my profile went live, I've had a couple of matches. And I've sent a couple of messages. I have NOT gotten a couple of replies. Or any replies, for that matter. That kind of sucks. It's also kinda awesome because, frankly, I'm so bad at the dating/flirting/talking to normal people thing I wouldn't know what to do next. I suppose I could consult Facebook again...


  1. Your bio is perfection!! You are awesome and everyone who doesn't reply is an idiot. The end.

    1. Why,thank you!

      And if anyone is wondering, I am not the Shelley who wrote that comment. The world is just full of wonderful Shelleys.

  2. Thank you for continually sharing your thoughts on everything, especially things like this! It makes me, and I’m sure everyone else who reads, feel more normal. You’re amazing Shelley!!!