Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Memorial Day Weekend Book & Movie Review on X-Men and Godzilla. AKA...everyone is entitled to my opinion.

I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe Memorial Day Weekend, because I did, and I'm about to talk about it. And I mostly don't want to sound like I'm bragging.

I didn't go hang with my parents this weekend because I hate being on the roads when 36.1 million other people are on the roads, too. Other people's driving tends to piss me off and make me curse more than normal. I just really don't need that kind of stress in my life (and I'm afraid someone's going to read my lips in their rear view mirror one day and go all Solange Knowles on me), so I just stay home do the other three things in my top four of the "Things that make me happy and that I'm good at" list. Number one is "hanging out with my parents and being spoiled, even at my age." Two through four are "read a book until it screws up my sleep cycle," "Sleep as hard and long as a poisoned/be-spelled Disney princess" and "Watch movies."  This weekend was all about two through four.

Saturday, Sunday, and Monday I slept, read, slept, ate some donuts, and then repeated the whole routine. The book I read was Daisy's Back in Town by Rachel Gibson. I THOUGHT it was going to be the literary equivalent of a rom-com movie with Reese Witherspoon. Ya know, West Texas girl comes back to her hometown and falls in love with her high school sweetheart all over again while wacky hijinks ensue? Well, not so much. There were no hijinks, both of the romantic leads were mostly unlikable, and speaking as a West Texan, the stereotypes of West Texans were just insulting. 

Today I took a vacation day to extend my holiday and to go to the orthodontist. (I dare to live on the edge.) (I need a sarcasm font.) Anyway, after taking my turn in the Chair of Orthodontic and Financial Pain, I grabbed some lunch (Freebirds - in an homage to my carefree college days) and then headed to the movies. Just like I don't care for holiday traffic on the roads, I don't care for holiday traffic in the theater, so Tuesday movies when everyone else is back at work make me very happy. And it's all about me, dammit.

I started with a large Diet Coke and a ticket for X-Men: Days of Future Past in 3D at the theater on the west side of town. Before I get into my brief review of the movie, let me just say that during the summer movie season of Memorial Day Weekend through Labor Day weekend, I enjoy the previews almost as much as I enjoy the actual movies. I have added a few flicks to my "must-see" movie list today. 

Back to X-Men, it was awesome. Thanks to the all-star cast comprised of both generations of X-Men actors, it had the best of both X-Men worlds. The story was well-paced; the 131 minute running time didn't feel that long at all. In my not-even-a-little-bit humble opinion, Days of Future Past is better than X-Men: First Class, and I LOVED First Class. 

My random thoughts from X-Men: Days of Future Past: 
  • Quicksilver (played by Evan Peters of American Horror Story fame) completely stole the show in the little part of the show he was in. I understand the Quicksilver character will be back in future Marvel movies, but played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson from Kick Ass (more on him in a minute). 
  • Peter Dinklage was seriously underused as Bolivar Trask, but that's okay because the Game of Thrones producers appreciate his talent.
  • Hugh Jackman's butt is impressive.
  • Michael Fassbender is yummy.
  • I totally want to be Jennifer Lawrence.
  • Staying for the post-credits teaser trailer was barely worth it. 
  • There's an actor named Mike Dopud that shows up on pretty much every show SyFy channel puts out. He shows up briefly in X-Men as a 1973 MOFO mob soldier and Wolverine gets on his bad side. 
As soon as X-Men was over, I stopped at the ladies room (large Diet coke + 2-hour movie is rough), got in the car and headed to the theater on the other side of town rather than wait an hour to watch Godzilla at the first theater. I got my ticket for Godzilla in 3D, another large Diet Coke and a small popcorn with do-it-yourself butter. I totally had to break out the Spray 'N Wash when I got home because I can't be trusted with do-it-yourself butter. But I digress...

Godzilla, like X-Men, is a two-hour movie, but where X-Men was exciting and didn't FEEL like a two-hour movie, Godzilla felt like a four-hour movie shown during dental surgery. It was not particularly good. Actually, I thought it was particularly bad. Multiple times during the show I lost interest and pulled out my phone to check Facebook (I was the ONLY person in the theater), only to remember that "I paid $8 for this crap so I should at least watch it." The single reason I sat through the entire movie despite the second large Diet Coke of the day was Aaron Taylor-Johnson. He grew up really nice. And before you get on me for being pervy over a not-quite-24-year-old guy, just keep in mind his wife is 47. I'm practically a puppy compared to her.

My random thoughts from Godzilla:
  • It's true what the Japanese are saying; Godzilla is a little pudgy. He and I should join Weight Watchers together.
  • This was a total waste of Bryan Cranston and Ken Watanabe.
  • Why do movies have to be so loud?
  • Aaron Taylor-Johnson is yummy.
  • There were these things that the military-type characters in the movie kept calling "MUTOs" (M-something Unidentified Terrestrial Objects), but with my hearing, I kept thinking they were saying "MOFOs," which was amusingly distracting and way more accurate.
  • The first MOFO followed Aaron Taylor-Johnson from Japan to Hawaii. I would have, too.
  • Mike Dopud (mentioned above) plays a regular modern-day soldier who gets on a MOFO's bad side. Irony at it's finest.
  • Why did I get another large drink?

Anyway,that's the weekend in review. Time for us to tackle a whole new week. Hope yours is more X-Men than Godzilla.


  1. Still the best Godzilla movie in the past 29 years, though.

    1. I'm not sure I agree with you on this one, Robyn. I don't necessarily remember a lot of details from the Matthew Broderick one from, the late 90s (?), but I also don't remember leaving it thinking "that was a complete waste of money."

    2. We can't be friends anymore.

      The Matthew Broderick Godzilla was the worst Godzilla ever.

      We can't be friends anymore.

      Okay, maybe we can. I'll just have to find a way to work through your wrongness.

    3. Oh come on! At least the Matthew Broderick version seemed have a sense of humor about itself. Godzilla under Madison Square Garden?!?! This new one seemed to really take itself seriously. It's just hard for me to take a Godzilla movie seriously at all.

  2. We saw the X-Men flick on Sunday, and I agree with you all around (minus the "yummy"). Dinklage (and his mustache) was absolutely great. He would've stolen the movie from Fassbender with more screen time.
    I'll give Gojira a pass. Somebody will get it right someday.

    1. Tone, if you're giving credit to The Dink's mustache, it's only fair to mention the HUGE glasses that he constantly had to push up his nose, too.

      And Jennifer Lawrence was born for 1970s fashion. Between this and American Hustle, she has been at her most stunning.

  3. I forgot to include "Ellen Page pretty much spent the whole movie massaging Hugh Jackman's temples. Lucky girl" in my thoughts from X-Men.