Wednesday, June 19, 2013

I'm the Anti-Catholic and Lebron James Isn't a Bobble Head

Yesterday was day number 26 on the LOW SUGAR VEGETARIAN DIET. Do you know what that means? That means I managed to go 25 days before I gave in. Because yesterday, I gave in. I really gave in. Like all the way in. Like, “screw Richie Cunningham, MD and his LOW SUGAR VEGETARIAN DIET” in.

I was bragging on myself at work. I told everyone how I had only had meat 4 or 5 times in the last 4 weeks AND had managed to stay away from sweets and sugary wonderfulness. I proclaimed that I was only going to allow myself to eat meat on Fridays (so that if it made me feel bad the next day it wouldn’t affect me at work). This inspired a friend to proclaim me the Anti-Catholic (as in, how Catholics don’t eat meat on Fridays during Lent…NOT as in, I don’t like Catholics. I TOTALLY like Catholics. And the Anti-Catholic thing will be great for me during Lent because I can go to barbecue restaurants on Friday evenings and won’t have to stand in line because no one else will be there). 

But I digress. (I usually do.) 

I got in the car after work yesterday and I wanted meat. To be specific, I wanted Long John Silver’s fish, which hardly qualifies as meat, but definitely qualifies as something I should NOT be eating. So I went through their drive-thru on the way home, got some fish and crunchy thingys, and took them home to devour. And they were good. 

But I wasn’t satisfied. I was watching the Spurs and the Heat play game 6 in the NBA playoffs. So naturally, I wanted sports bar food. Beer. Or mozzarella sticks. Or chips and queso. (My spell check doesn't recognize "queso." Clearly this program was not created by a Texan.) Any of those things would have made me happy. I settled for a half-time trip to Sonic for a milkshake because milkshakes are half price after 8pm. At that price I couldn’t afford to NOT get a milk shake during half time. And it was good.  

And the Spurs weren’t good. They handed the game to the Heat in the last minute, in case you were wondering. Lebron James even took off his headband. Turns out, without the headband, his head is normal-sized after all. (I always kinda thought he looked like a bobble head doll.)

But I digress. Again.

Today, I woke up hung over, despite having no alcoholic beverages last night. (I didn't even have a glass of wine.) I have a food hangover. I feel DISGUSTING today. And then, to add insult to gastric distress, I came across this article on Time’s website. It’s about how eating red meat increases the likelihood of having Type 2 Diabetes. Touche’, Richie Cunningham, MD. Touche’.

So, what did I learn from all of this?

  • Popovich should NEVER take Duncan off the court in the last minutes of the game.
  • Meat and sugar make me feel yucky. 
  • The LOW SUGAR VEGETARIAN DIET has to start back up again today. 
  • My doctor is a red-headed know-it-all.

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