Thursday, June 13, 2013

Ice Cream Trucks, Chocolate and Taylor Swift

Ice cream trucks should be against the law. First of all, they're always driven by some weird/pervy old dude with a mildly pornographic name like Big Willy or Dandy Dick (can anyone say "creeper in a kidnap van?"). Second, all that sugar isn't helping the nation's obesity problem (and if I can't have sugar, no one else should get to have it either). Finally, there's that ice cream truck music. It turns out the only thing more irritating than a Taylor Swift song is the 400th repeat of "Turkey in the Straw" as the van slowly works its way through my apartment complex.

What would be awesome though, would be a wine and chocolate truck. The driver would be a handsome man called Diego or Ruark, or some other name straight out of a cheesy romance novel. He would sell wine and chocolate that had no calories. He would harmlessly flirt with me his female customers and never call me them "m'am." He would play awesome 80's tunes from Rick Springfield and Duran Duran, with absolutely no irony whatsoever.

Sigh. Clearly the wine and chocolate truck is just a (really awesome and vivid) fantasy. It appears the LOW SUGAR VEGETARIAN DIET has finally made me crack. The thought of a truck full of yummy, sugary ice cream driving right by my door is almost more than I can take. And that "Turkey in the Straw"? That just makes me think of turkey, which makes me think of Thanksgiving, which makes me think of ham and stuffing and pecan pies and...

Dear God, I'm starting to wish Big Willy would just play Taylor Swift.

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