Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Random Thoughts Movie Review: The Legend of Tarzan

Every week, the nerds vote for what we want to see that week for Movie Church. It was a close one this time, with The Legend of Tarzan barely beating out Finding Dory...and thank goodness, because I KNOW Dory would have had me in tears the whole time.

Tarzan was long-ish at 1 hour and 50 minutes. It didn't have a lot of hype leading up to it's premiere in theaters, which really surprised me, considering the pretty impressive cast: Alexander Skarsgard (Erik from True Blood...maybe not an impressive actor, but he has impressive abs), Margot Robbie (from Wolf of Wall Street, soon to be Harley Quinn in Suicide Squad), Samuel L. Jackson (from everything, muthafuckas), two-time Oscar winner Christoph Waltz (from Django Unchained), and Djimon Hounsou (who will forever be the guy in the Janet Jackson video to me). 

This wasn't the greatest Tarzan movie ever, but it wasn't the worst one, either. I enjoyed it. I give it a solid B.

****

The random thoughts that ran through my head while watching The Legend of Tarzan:

We're not starting the movie with Tarzan?!?

Ah, finally! Tarzan. Yummo.

He was in the scene nearly 5 minutes before he said a single word. Oh, his British accent sucks. 

Samuel L. Jackson's hair. Oh my.

Samuel L. Jackson's plaid pants. Oh my.

Margot Robbie is really, really pretty. 

What's that she just said about hippos? I bet we see that in action later. 

Alexander and Margot make a really attractive couple, like from a Nazi master race poster. I bet they'd make beautiful babies, if they had any chemistry.

Tarzan has more chemistry with that lion than he does with Jane.

Jungle. Fights. Yadda yadda.

Our friend Shelly would like to point out that gorillas can't really swing through the trees like that. This Shelley would like to point out that Tarzan has a 12-pack.

That uber-low waist on Tarzan's trousers can't be historically accurate. Thank goodness the costume designer pandered to my preference.

GONG! (That's the sound of me knocking the metal popcorn bowl onto the ground.)

Fight, fight, fight. The bad guy gets what he deserves. Tarzan gets the girl. Again.


What were your thoughts on The Legend of Tarzan? Do you agree with my grade? Let me know in the comments below.


 


2 comments:

  1. I will be seeing it this weekend. Only reason I am seeing it is to watch Alexander Skarsgard half naked. I only skimmed this, trying to avoid spoilers, but it is disappointing to know his accent is off.

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    1. There have definitely been WORSE British accents over the years, his just isn't great. He's prettiest when he doesn't talk anyway. ;)

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