Thursday, July 9, 2015

Random Thoughts Movie Review: Magic Mike XXL (SPOILERS)

A good friend turns 40 this month. We have decided to celebrate early and often. Part one of the birthday month celebrations was a GNO (Girls' Night Out) to see Magic Mike XXL. 

In my regular RTMRs, this would be where I discuss the length of the movie and give it an overall rating, but really, why bother? We went to have fun, and that's exactly what happened. We watched, we had some drinks, we catcalled the beautiful men on the screen. I might have said some really inappropriate things, which is what movies like this are for.

And so, without further ado, my random thoughts while watching Magic Mike XXL:

  • C-Tates is taking us to the gun show, baby!
  • Talk, talk, talk, blah, blah, blah
  • WTF?
  • Adam Rodriguez needs a haircut
  • Talk, talk, talk, blah, blah, blah
  • PONY!
  • NSFW
  • Talk, talk, talk, blah, blah, blah
  • Road trip!
  • FroYo?
  • Talk, talk, talk, blah, blah, blah
  • JOE MANGI-I-DON'T-ACTUALLY-KNOW-HOW-TO-PRONOUNCE-OR-SPELL-HIS-LAST-NAME-BUT-WHO-CARES!!!
  • NSFW
  • Mic drop. But with Cheetos. 
  • NSFW
  • Talk, talk, talk, blah, blah, blah
  • Jada Pinkett Smith is a tiny, but very intimidating, woman
  • MICHAEL STRAHAN!!
  • I'll never be able to take Michael Strahan seriously again
  • NSFW
  • He looks like C-Tates' brotha from anotha motha
  • Abs for days
  • Seriously, abtacular
  • #HisAbsHaveAbs
  • I ain't afraid'a no ghost
  • NSFW
  • NSFW
  • NSFW. SO VERY NSFW
  • Andie McDowell in Cougarville
  • I want to be like Andie's character when I grow up
  • Amber Heard's character looks and acts just like the girl in the last one
  • Elizabeth Banks! 
  • Their strip themes will mirror what they want most? Hmmm...could be interesting
  • Preparation montage. They should be playing Eye of the Tiger
  • NSFW
  • NSFW
  • HOLY HELLS BELLS! NSFW. I NEED A COLD SHOWER
  • This part reminds me of my 30th birthday party...
  • NSFW. NSFW. etc.....
  • That last routine would have killed me. And probably would have broken C-Tates' back.
  • NSFW
  • If they're all doing dances that reflect their goals/dreams, then one wants to be a painter, one wants be a singer, one wants to get married, one wants to make kinky FroYo and Mike just wants to clone himself?
  • NSFW
  • It's over already????
This movie isn't going to win any Oscars but it was definitely fun to watch. 

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Random Thoughts Movie Review: Terminator Genisys (SPOILERS)

This week's movie is Terminator Genisys. I saw it with a fellow nerdling, so we spent the previews firing off trivia at one another and the movie having those "look who it is!" moments when nerdcore actors would show up in the movie. Very rarely does anyone geek out on the same scale as me. It was like watching a movie from the mother ship.

Anyway....Terminator Genisys ran 122 minutes. That's a full two hours, folks. I guess I'm turning into a not-quite-minimalist when it comes to movie fight scenes and explosions. I don't want NO effects, but I DO want the effects to be used to the best effect. Does that make sense? Maybe I'm a minimal-maximumist. I want fights and explosions, just not to the point that they all run together. All of that to say, 122 minutes was alright for this one, but they could have knocked off 15 minutes and I would have still left happy. 

Ultimately, on a scale of A+ to F, I give it a B+. It would have been an A- if it had been 15 minutes shorter.

And here are my random thoughts while watching Terminator Genisys:


  • I hope we get a good explanation for Ah-nuld's grey hair that I saw in the trailers.
  • Golden Gate bridge. Annnnndddddd, it's gone. Why do movie directors always pick a landmark to destroy? 
  • Jason Clarke. How is he John Connor? Jason Clarke was born to play the bad guy. (Total compliment to him, BTW)
  • Matt Smith! He could totally be a time-travelling terminator, he is a Time Lord, after all. (If you don't understand that sentence, go watch some Doctor Who. You can thank me later.)
  • Two Ah-nulds? That's some pretty impressive CGI.
  • Jai Courtney. Love me some Jai Courtney. He is most definitely leading man material.
  • Jai has no scars. Everyone else has scars.
  • Oh. Jai has no scars on his beautiful face. Once the clothes come off we see his scars, and yet, I'm having a hard time seeing the scars for all the abtacularness. #HisAbsHaveAbs
  • Those punks look too old to be punks. What are they, like 40?!? They look alot like the band Green Day. IMDB when I get home.
  • Get Jai some clothes or I won't be able to concentrate. #HisAbsHaveAbs
  • Byung-hun Lee! (GI Joe, Red 2)
  • And there's Danerys Targaryen, Mother of Dragons, Khaleesi of the Dothraki, Breaker of Chains, First of Her Name, yada, yada, yada
  • Ooops. She's Sarah Connor here.
  • Trivia, which other Game of Thrones actress has played Sarah Connor? (yes, I ask myself trivia questions that I already know the answer to. I'm an only child. I learned to entertain myself at a young age.) 
  • Answer, Lena Heady in the short-lived TV show the Sarah Connor Chronicles.
  • Dammit! Pay attention to the movie.
  • Emilia Clarke has the biggest eyes. And she seriously needs some chapstick.
  • Sarah Connor calls Ah-nuld "Pops"?!? OMG, dying.
  • Chase, chase, chase. 
  • Fight, fight, fight.
  • Explain how time travel has changed the entire plot. 
  • Time travel is super confusing. 
  • Pops has the best comic lines of the movie. How did that happen?
  • Go back to the future in a giant, homemade flux capacitor? Scary. Jai has to take off his clothes again?  Not scary at all. #HisAbsHaveAbs
  • Awww...Ah-nuld is a T-800 with a heart. 
  • J.K. Simmons! I love him in everything, but the first thing that is coming to mind right now is "We are Farmers. BOM BA BOM BOM. BOM. BOM. BOM." 
  • Something about magnets.
  • Fight, fight, fight. Chase, chase, chase. Explode, explode, explode.
  • The world is safe until the movie studio needs another summer blockbuster. 
  • Jai gets the girl (which every one but him knew ahead of time) and also gets Pops as the world's scariest father-in-law.