Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Kids these days...they keep comparing me to their moms

On my way home from work I stopped at the store for groceries, which naturally included a bottle of wine. The sacker boy told the cashier girl "you better check her ID." To which the cashier looked at me, then looked back at the sacker and said, "REALLY?" 

My heart broke a little. 

And then the sacker, who had clearly just been looking for a reason to talk to the cashier, who was undeniably pretty (but maybe not so smart) said, "I was just kidding. She's obviously way old enough to buy wine." Then to me, "Bet you're about my mom's age, huh?" 

I said, "I'm probably older. I just look THAT good." That shut them both up. 

After I pulled out of the grocery store parking lot, a little white car full of teenage kids passed me. I noticed their left tail light was out, so being the Good Samaritan that I am (don't laugh), I caught up, got beside them and gave the unofficial-but-practically-official international sign language motion for "ROLL YOUR WINDOW DOWN." We went nearly two blocks before they realized what I wanted them to do. Right about the time I had decided I should call a cop because these kids weren't intelligent enough to handle driving, I realized they were so young that they had probably NEVER RIDDEN IN A CAR WITH MANUAL WINDOWS. They probably had never listened to a cassette tape before, either. How do you get through high school and college without mixtapes? Anyway, I delivered the tail light message and the driver yelled, "Thanks! I'll go get it fixed. If I got a ticket my mom would kill me."

At that point, my heart broke the rest of the way; some for all the kids who haven't learned to properly flirt (which involves a good mixtape), and some for me. Then I got the heck on home to have a glass of that wine that some guy's mom is also old enough to buy. 

4 comments:

  1. I don't know if I'm going to laugh or feel sad. You write well with humor yet I feel the other emotions in the story. Thank God for wines, right?

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    1. Thanks. I'm convinced that even though being in my 40's is full of little indignities, I can still always find the humor in every situation. I do feel bad for kids who will never know or understand how powerful a good mixtape (either given or received) can be.

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  2. What? Have we really gotten to the age when no one knows about windows that manually open? Well that's depressing!

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    1. Hand-crank windows and super dangerous cigarette lighters. Kids just have no idea what they're missing.

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