Sunday, July 27, 2014

Today I earned the title of "Weirdest Neighbor in the Apartment Complex." On purpose.

Every apartment community has that one weird neighbor. The one who walks around talking to themselves, or puts out Halloween decorations in April, or who just generally does weird stuff. Today, I completely intentionally became that weird neighbor.

In my complex, each apartment entry has an overhang that is supported by two decorative columns. It seems that last night a very industrious family of spiders managed to weave a rather large web between the columns of MY entry and effectively block me in. Luckily, just before I walked into the web, the sunlight hit it just right and I was able to back up and avoid that creepy feeling of having web stuck all over me. So I stepped back in my apartment and grabbed the broom and then got back in the doorway to brush away the web.

This sounds like a something a normal person would do, right? Well, yes it is, as long as anyone who sees you waving a broom in the air is close enough to see the web. See, at exactly the moment I was waving the broom in front of me getting the webs, neighbors from THREE different apartments happened to step out of their apartments. They were far enough away that they couldn't see the web, only the crazy lady waving a broom in the air in front of her apartment.

They all looked at me like I'm nuttier that squirrel poo (thank you, JK Rowling for that lovely phrase). And I could have chosen to announce to them that I was clearing spider webs, but how boring is that? So I yelled out that there was no need for any of them to worry, that my ex-husband's ghost won't leave me alone, but he probably doesn't have a reason to bother anyone else in the complex. They all managed to get in their cars and get gone pretty fast after that.

I really hope that earning the "Weirdest Neighbor in the Apartment Complex" title will pay dividends in the future. I don't mean money; I'm not THAT delusional. I just hope it's enough that the neighbors will not send their kids to my apartment anymore during school fundraising season and that they'll make an effort to be quiet and courteous so that I don't go full-on crazy on them of these days. I'll let you know how it goes.




6 comments:

  1. Yeah! That's the ticket! And I love that J. K. Rowling quote. I had forgotten that one. :-)

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  2. Well, really, who among us hasn't been there?

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  3. You are correct. We've all been there. I've been there, stocked the fridge, put on my fuzzy slippers and built a tent fort in the living room.

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  4. I've been the 'weirdest' in a number of different scenarios...it's not all bad.

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  5. Excellent work and great comeback.

    One neighbor complained to me that my husband never said hello, so I told her it was because he took his hearing aid off at home (he's not deaf). So now she leaps in front of him, waves her arms and yells "HELLO!" to him which shocks him into mumbling a reply. Probably each one of them thinks the other is the weirdest neighbor ever.

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    1. That is truly awesome! I'm saving the hearing aid act for future use. Although.....maybe it's not in my best interests to encourage my neighbors to yell.

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