Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Noisy neighbors are the poor girl's HBO.



I have seriously slacked on the blog lately. I blame HBO. I’ve signed up for a 3-month trial package, so I’ve been watching HBO Go and HBO On Demand every spare minute. I've absolutely got to watch everything before I have to cancel because the trial price goes away and the regular price kicks in. But I’m not here to talk about HBO (even though I could write an entire post about series quality, excellent writing and how they like showing naked women but are less interested showing naked men. Unless it’s Hodor. They gave us full-frontal Hodor. Nobody needs to see full-frontal Hodor.) 

Anyway, since I’ve spent so much time watching TV lately, I’ve spent a lot of time on the couch. Which also means I’ve spent a lot of time listening to the racket coming from the living room of my next door neighbors in the apartment building. Every now and then they’ll yell something that’s funny enough to make up for all the noise they make. 

The family next door consists of a dad (who isn’t there much), a mom (who can't not yell even if she wanted to), a 4-year-old little girl...aka…Elsa (who’s actually pretty cute and sweet) and a toddler boy…aka…Demon Child (who is still not talking in full sentences, but who has a wicked low-pitched Vincent Price-style laugh that is pretty creepy to hear late at night. And since his parents don’t impose any kind of bedtime, I hear it late at night REGULARLY.) I refer to them as THE NEIGHBORS. (I know, zero points for originality.)
 
Now that you know THE NEIGHBORS, let me set a few scenes:

Scene 1: Flashback PRIOR to Disney's Frozen being available on DVD…Elsa is on the sidewalk singing what she can remember of the lyrics to “Let It Go.”   {musical notes}  LET it go. Let IT go. Let it GO-OWHOA-OH-OH.” She sang this line over and over and over.  But then the DVD came out, so NOW she knows all the words, to all the songs, and all of the dialogue of the whole movie. I’ve never actually seen Frozen, but I know most of it just from listening to her through the walls. (And I totally want to build a snowman.)

Scene 2: Demon Child is kicking the wall. Over and over. I go next door and let the mom know he’s  kicking hard enough to rattle the pictures on my walls. She turns around and tells the kid to stop kicking the walls or “I’m going to let this lady take you away.”(Clearly she’s making empty threats since the Universe has told me to never have [or take away] children.) He burst into tears. And then he proceeded to start kicking the wall again. And he laughed the Demon Child laugh the whole time. (FYI: I doubled my renter’s insurance after that.)

Scene 3: Mom is singing “Let It Go” from Frozen. Elsa interrupts her with, “Mom. MOM! Stop, you’re ruining it!”  I kinda like Elsa.



Scene 4: Demon Child yells “YEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW!” And then I hear a loud crash. (I tripled my renter’s insurance after Hop-a-long Demon Child.)

Scene 5: Mom tells Demon Child “NO!” He apparently has never heard that word before because he cried for FOUR HOURS STRAIGHT after she said it. 

Scene 6: Moms YELLS at Demon Child to “USE YOUR INDOOR VOICE!” 




Hmmm. It really loses some of the humor in the telling. Oh well, clearly THE NEIGHBORS’ dialogue doesn’t compare with the scripts on HBO, but it certainly is entertainment that’s less expensive than a premium cable package. And on the good side, it also doesn’t involve Hodor’s package either. 



p.s. Admit it, some of you are disappointed I didn't add a Hodor pic. Cheeky buggers.

17 comments:

  1. Now I'm imagining what Frozen would be like, with naked Hodor instead of the reindeer.

    It's still overrated.

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    1. Oh, Robyn. You are that good kind of weird.

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    2. I've not seen Frozen, but reading this comment brought a completely off-topic thought to my brain about replacements to films. (I was being roped into going to a performance of the Sound of Music, which i don't enjoy.)
      "And of course i eagerly await the Sound of Music. I do MEAN EAGERLY. Who
      doesn't fantasize about frolicking in the hills of Austria with dancing
      Nuns while singing songs and escaping from the evil Nazis??? Although it
      would probably be more awesome if Michael Bay wrote a new Movie.... The
      Sound Of Transformers. The Autobots are shifted in time and must sing songs
      whilst frolicking with dancing Nuns and fighting the evil Decepticons and
      their Nazi cohorts all while spinning constantly while the mountains all
      explode simultaneously."

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    3. Aaron, you are that good kind of weird as well.

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  2. I laughed out loud at the renter's insurance comments then I realized I don't have renter's insurance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't that a sin when you work in the insurance industry?

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  3. If you want to see naked men, you have to go with Showtime.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Note to self: research monthly cost of Showtime.

      Really though, it's not that I necessarily WANT to see naked men; I just want to see naked men as often as I see naked women.

      Maybe I should clarify that. I want to see naked men ON TV as often as I see naked women ON TV. Since I don't ever see naked women in person, that would mean I would never see a naked man in person, and well, I don't want to be single forever. (Yes, gentlemen, this gal is single and ready to mingle as long as it doesn't interfere with my TV schedule.)

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  4. Oh my. You're reminding me of my first apartment in Chicago. My bedroom window was literally inches from the living room of the people in building next door. Let's just say these girls had an active night life. Not much sleep for them or for me--but for some reason, they glowed in the AM:).

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    1. I remember those days; the ones where I could stay up all night and look fabulous the next day.

      I chose this particular apartment complex because the units are small and it didn't have a playground or a pool, so it SEEMED like a good place to live without kids running around like little asylum escapees. No such luck.

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  5. Hodor. -Hodor

    I am so grateful to not live in an apartment...sheesh...that would drive me crazy

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    1. I put in a bid on a house once. I had nightmares about exploding water heaters and pea green carpet for weeks. (Oddly enough, the house I bid on had brown carpet. Clearly the pea green shag in the dream is some kind of psychological quirk I should look into.) Anyway, someone else put in a higher bid and had been turned down because mine had already been accepted. I 'graciously' offered to step down and let the higher bidder buy the house. So now, even though it's occasionally noisy in my apartment, I sleep well without home repair nightmares.

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  6. Oh my gosh- that was fabulous. Thank you for brightening my day! Haha, I can't wait to find out what happens when the kids get a little older (and can kick harder!!). Good luck!!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! I'm really afraid of what might happen when Demon child hits the terrible twos and the just-kill-me-now threes.

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