I don't do resolutions. Why set myself up for that kind of failure? But, what if I made my resolutions now and make them effective as of January 1 so I could GUARANTEE that I won't let myself down? Damn, I think I'm onto something.
SHELLEY'S RETROACTIVE 2014 RESOLUTIONS
Spend more time on the couch (reading, napping, watching TV are all acceptable options)
Whenever the urge to cook comes on, go to Sonic instead
Watch lots of sports on TV (2014 is an Olympics and FIFA World Cup year)
If there's housework that needs to be done, grab a book and a glass of wine instead
Waste hours on Facebook, Twitter, Hulu Plus and Netflix
Hit the snooze button AT LEAST eight times every morning
Pray for a snow day any time the temp falls below 40 degrees
Sing poorly at the top of my voice whenever I'm in the car
That does it for 2014. I'm working on my retroactive 2013 resolutions now. It turns out 2013 was my best year ever.