Earlier today I overheard part of a conversation as some people walked by the conference room I was in. The girl said that she thought that a guy wasn’t calling her back because she “out-weirded him.” And then she corrected herself...”I mean, weirded him out.”
I wanted to pop my head out of the door and tell her that despite what she may think, you really can "out-weird" a guy. I should know. I've done it. I out-weirded the weirdest guy ever. (Ever notice how if you use a word too many times it starts to look weird. "Weird" is starting to look weird.)
**Flashback a year or so**
My phone made that "text message" sound. It was about midnight. None of my friends ever text me that late because they know I won't answer. Or maybe it's because I'm kinda scary and/or mean and/or incoherent when you wake me up. Whatever.
The text turned out to be from a number I didn't recognize. It also turned out to be a picture of a redneck guy who (whom?) I've never met. He was wearing a wife beater t-shirt and knee-high cowboy boots and standing by the tailgate of a tricked-out pickup truck holding a 6-foot-long rattlesnake.
This is the text chat that ensued:
Me: Ummmmm...nice snake? Is that a new truck? Who is this?
Redneck: I'm answering your ad. I hope you don't mind that I sent a pic.
Me: (Assuming a friend is messing with me) You know what they say...a picture is worth a thousand words. Seriously, who is this?
Redneck: I really liked your ad. Do you like my pic?
Me: Sure, loved it, whatever. What ad? WTF is this?
Redneck: Your Craigslist ad.
Me: I didn’t answer a Craigslist ad. WHO IS THIS?
Redneck: No, I’M answering YOUR ad. (He’s thinking I’m a dimwit at this point, I’m sure.)
Me: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Redneck: You didn't run an ad looking for a hookup tonight?
Me: Obviously not. But now I'm curious about something.
Me: Did you really think a pic of a fully-clothed guy is right for this situation? If you want to hook up, you should have at least gone shirtless. Looks like you've got some muscles under that wife-beater.
Redneck: Thanks. I'll report the ad to Craigslist so they'll take it down.
Me: Thanks. And what's with the snake? Did you think I'd go all "Eve in the garden of Eden" on you? Get to know you in the Biblical sense?
Redneck: I'll make sure they take the ad down.
Me: And if you wanted an anonymous hookup, you should NOT have showed your license plate in the picture. I could be a weirdo.
Redneck: I'm going to stop answering you now.
And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how you out-weird a guy. I'm not entirely sure that it's a good thing that a Craigslist perv thinks I'M the scary one, but I still count it as a win.