Why I Don't Have Children Reason #1103: They are tiny psychopaths.
In line to check out at Sam's Club today, the lady in front of me had a cart full of food and four-year-old. She unloaded sugary cereal, fruit, candy, yogurt, frozen pizza, frozen corndogs and pre-formed hamburger patties. Suddenly the kid went from happy-go-lucky-cutest-darned-kid-ever to evil-only-found-in-Stephen-King-novels. He was screaming and kicking and crying. He probably would have been cussing if he had known any bad words. (If he had shut up for a second, he could have learned some from me.)
Anyway, his mom was justifiably concerned about the sudden change and asked what was wrong. You know what he said/screamed?
"I don't want hamburgers!"
That's right, he pitched a wall-eyed hissy fit over hamburger patties.
You parents reading this are probably thinking, "Well, he's just at that age."
I was thinking, "Thank goodness he didn't see the broccoli."