Saturday, June 15, 2013

Things That Make Me Irrationally Pissed Off


Yesterday on my way home from work, I got behind a pimped-out car with the name of a body shop/tattoo artist/cartoon character/who-the-hell-knows-what on the back window. They had spelled it so that it ended in a “z” instead of an “s”. For some reason, that z-in-place-of-s thing pisses me off. More than it should. It makes me want to write my congressman and get a law passed that makes people who improperly end things in z where they should use s take a mandatory spelling and grammar class. (And yes, I recognize the fact that I regularly use improper grammar and spelling. Irony, thy name is Shelley.)

Then my brain went to the place where it started thinking “that z thing pisses me off almost as much as this other thing.” And it came up with quite a few other things. Things that really are ridiculous to get bent out of shape over, but always seem to get my blood pressure up. Those things include, but are in no way limited to, the following:

1. That there is a speed bump and stop sign together in the Wayland Plaza. Do you want me to slow down or stop? If I stop first, then I don’t have enough momentum to get over the speed bump. But if I keep up enough momentum to get over the speed bump, then it’s hard to stop before the stop sign.

2. Clothes that are size 0. If we get literal, a size 0 means you don’t exist.

3. Taylor Swift. No explanation necessary.

4. People who use “axe” instead of “ask”. Oh. My. God.

5. The memory of not being able to find personalized pencils and keychains when I was little and stuff like that really mattered. They only had “Shelly”, not “Shelley”.

6. The fact that Kim Kardashian is a celebrity.

7. Grown men who wear skinny jeans.

8. Grown women who speak in little girl voices (Unless that’s their actual voice. They can’t help that. But, it’s still annoying).

9. Fast food restaurants that don’t serve tea.

10. Daycares and preschools with names like “Kiddie Kampus” or “Kid’s Kollege” or “Kids Kare.” Why should someone send their kids to learn from people who would rather be cute than intelligent? Let’s just call this “Reason I Don’t Have Children #1104.”


Now that you’ve read my list, I figure you’re having one of two reactions. Either, “Wow. So it’s not just me then? But Shelley forgot...” or “Wow. Shelley really needs to take some anger management classes.” Both are appropriate responses.

So tell me in the comments section below, what did I miss? What ridiculous thing pisses YOU off?

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