Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Carnivorous Vegetarian

So, this morning I had a horrible moment where I remembered EVERYTHING that the doctor and I discussed when I went in last week to have my throat de-strepped. You see, my regular doc was unavailable, so I saw another guy. He was younger, looked alot like Richie Cunningham to be honest. But he wasn't just younger, he was thorough. He didn't just treat the strep throat. He looked at my medical history. And he said four words to me. Four little words that I blocked from my mind until I was finally over the strep throat. Those four words?

LOW. SUGAR. VEGETARIAN. DIET. (yes, all caps. Because they practically scream themselves at me when I think them.)

Oh dear. I told him that I know I need to eat healthier and get more exercise, I've heard the lecture a million times. I even manage to do it for awhile now and then. But LOW SUGAR VEGETARIAN DIET? That seems a little drastic. He countered with my family history of stroke, heart disease and diabetes. Well, ya. There's that. Then he pointed out how many times I've been in the office for gastric distress. "You seem to throw up alot." Well, ya. There's that, too. His diagnosis? If I'm not already diabetic, I'm a about to be...and my body probably can't process all the processed food that I eat since I don't have a gall bladder and I'm not 17 years old anymore. A LOW SUGAR VEGETARIAN DIET would fix that. Maybe the puking would stop.

Why did I remember this part of the conversation this morning? Because I woke up puking today. That's why. I missed a close friend's graduation today. That's why. Damn, Richie Cunningham might actually have a point. A LOW SUGAR VEGETARIAN DIET could be a good thing. Assuming I actually liked vegetables. I can handle iceberg lettuce, red cabbage, raw carrots and squash. That's it. (I'm excited already.)

So, I started my LOW SUGAR VEGETARIAN DIET with dinner after work today. I went to our fancy schmancy new Market Street and I bought a Cobb salad. It had grilled chicken and bacon bits, but it was mostly lettuce and cabbage. Baby steps, people. Baby steps. And for dessert, I had a small angel food "shell" and strawberries. No yummy sugary strawberry syrup, no whipped cream or cool whip. Just fruit and bread. And it was actually pretty good.

To make eating this LOW SUGAR VEGETARIAN-ISH DIET more pleasant, I ate it in the fancy deli at the fancy schmancy grocery store. I took my iPad so I looked like all the other cool kids. And like a total social media dork, I took a picture.

Image there is a picture of a salad, a carton of strawberries and my iPad here.
I deleted the screen shots from my Google + pics.
That deleted the pics from the blog.
Shit. Live and learn, I guess.


Real vegetarians would see this picture and think "Yummy. Salad and fresh strawberries." I see this pic and think "Wow. I really need to clean the iPad screen."

I don't think I'll ever be able to embrace a LOW SUGAR VEGETARIAN DIET. But I can totally get behind not puking so much. And I did think to ask the doctor one important question and got an answer that didn't make me freak out. The answer was two little words. A food I can eat (in moderation). Two little words that might make this doable. 

PEANUT BUTTER.


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